My Life..

My life is full of miserable things. I can’t seem to run away from them. I can’t seem to be happy long enough for bad things not to happen and disappear from my mind. I wish that there was an easier way to explain my life but there isn’t, nothing about my life was every good, and even when things started looking up. Life can be so peaceful and happy, but it can also be hell, and full of nightmares and horrible things. Things that damage you for life, that a lot of people don’t believe.. people have fallen back into this darkness that I have found myself in all my life. People talk about this low that they reach, that some people say isn’t real because how can someone be so unhappy that they reach that point. I’ve been there, basically all my life. You don’t understand the pain until you have been where I have been. The things I have been through I thought made me stronger but it didn’t. I’m weak, a push over. I haven’t really felt strong in awhile. I put on this fake smile, and try and make everything okay. When you feel alone every moment of the day, feel like people are thinking you are ugly all day of every day, and that you are worth less than nothing, you know this pain. But so many don’t understand the hurt that people can truly feel. The pain that others really cause. It’s unbelievable the sorrow that can be felt. Through all of it I’ve found joy in making my friends happy, probably just to be needed, which is horrible, but its what I’ve come down to.. Even the one I loved isn’t making things good for me.. I thought that everything was good with us. That we understood and loved each other, put a 16 year old girl can take only so much name calling, so much crying, so many fights, and so much lying. I feel like trust is something of the past, and with the holidays coming up I feel like things are just going to get worse. I love Christmas its beautiful but not this year in all honesty.. What is there to be happy about if everything that I love is hurting me. I’m starting to feel the feelings I felt three years ago.. I’m getting scared to leave my house, to be normal. I don’t know how this all is going to end.. but for some reason.. I don’t think it’s going to end well for me.. nothing really ever does.. whether it be because of someone else or because of myself.. I don’t know what I’m going to do.. I’m scared of being alone.. I don’t know what to do anymore..

Monday Nov 11 @ 01:18am

Monday May 5 @ 05:50pm

Anonymous asked: "I'm 15, but you wouldn't know that by the way I act." -- Actually, it shows quite well judging off of the content in your blog. It's the same thing over and over, excluding the reblogs -- i.e.; "I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate fake bitches, I hate, I hate, I hate." I bet you in five years what comes off your fingers as you type is going to be dramatically different. So, YES, to sum it up ... You definitely to act like the typical 15 year old, so don't flatter yourself. This coming from older eyes. Trust me. (My $0.02)

Well obviously from your “older eyes” you don’t see that guess what everyone has rough patches, and just because I hate fake bitches, and can sometimes hate my life doesn’t mean that I act like I’m 15. Maybe you have no right to be messaging me telling me who I am when you don’t know me or my life, because I do act older then I am thank you very much and I you think that I don’t well then you may not act 15 but you have the smarts of a 15 year old so thanks for your “$0.02(:

Monday May 5 @ 05:42pm

UGHHHHH WTFF!

Like i’m so fucking sick of fake fucking friends. Im sick of feeling blown off, for what? fucking some guy with a small dick and some ugly bitch with teeth so spread up and fucking gigantic you could land a plain on them? like FUCK its just so irritating. I can’t stand it. and what else i don’t likeis my fucking boyfriend going well you switch best friends all the time so what do you expect when they are all flakey, like jesus fuck how bout im sorry baby i wish there was something i could do and a hug and a kiss. sorry that i’m upset! for fucking ONCE I just wish that SOMEONE would fucking be a good friend, like friends were in like 3rd grade when there wasn’t any shit or lies. im just so fucking sick of it!

Monday Mar 3 @ 02:40am

Thursday Jan 1 @ 10:35pm

LoVe

If there was an easy way to explain love. Then no one would still ask the simple questions like what is love? and is it real? There are people who love someone for the wrong reason. Like money, or power. But when it comes to true love you’ll know. It’s those moments like when you wake up in the morning and you get to look at him, who you know was laying next to you all nice keep you warm, like when he suprises you with something and you tear up because you are so happy, like when you first kiss him and the feelin never goes away after that. Knowing that no matter what you fight or disagree about he will never love you any different or care about you any less. The feelings you sometimes can’t explain but other times comes to quickly out of your mouth. The pure happiness that you have just getting to see him. How funny is it that after almost 1 1/2 years I still get goose bumps and I jump at him when I see him in the hall at school? There truely is know better way to explain love other then the word love. Love is such a powerful word. The passion that is in such a tiny word. I can only explain like this, when I first saw him, my whole thought process was different. When I first hugged him I was confident, when I first told him something not one other person knew I knew that there was hope in the world. When we first kissed my knees almost gave out, when he first told me he loved me I almost couldn’t get I love you too to come out of my mouth. The goose bumps, the butterflies, even the fact that the things I hate the most about myself are the things he loves the most. It all makes life worth it to me, and thinking about it the one time I thought about life without it I was scared because life just wouldn’t even be close to okay without him there. Some people don’t really understand it, but you truely can never love wrong. Even if it is for the wrong reasons. Even the bad times are times to remember, maybe not for the things that are said that could hurt your feelings but for how much stronger you grew as a couple when you worked everything out, and even if you didnt work everything out you still spoke your mind to the one person you know will always understand you in the end. Love hard, love strong, love always and forever. Don’t worry about falling because in the end someone will be there to pick you up, brush the dirt off you, wipe the tears from your eyes, tell you everything is going to be okay, and may things better then you could have imagened in your life. <3

Thursday Jan 1 @ 08:02pm

Vacation Vacation Vacation

So I had my birthday the day vacation started and it was pretty amazing. My bf made an awesome dinner for me and it was just the cutest. Then I went with my bf to his mom’s house in Louisville KY, it was fun at first.. but shit just got weak and I felt like I wasn’t real because no one was even talking to me.. I got made fun of and shit which made it worse… Idk I just don’t think vacations are for me. Then I came home and had an awesome christmas! I got Cole the most amazing gift ever! I got a band names Oceano to send him signed stuff. He ended up getting 8 shirts 2 pairs of shorts a personalized note a back stage pass signed by the lead singer 2 posters and a cd! I loved the look on his face when he was opening everything! But now that christmas is over I just want vacation to be over I don’t like being stuck in my house like this all the time..

Wednesday Dec 12 @ 01:53pm