My Life..

My life is full of miserable things. I can’t seem to run away from them. I can’t seem to be happy long enough for bad things not to happen and disappear from my mind. I wish that there was an easier way to explain my life but there isn’t, nothing about my life was every good, and even when things started looking up. Life can be so peaceful and happy, but it can also be hell, and full of nightmares and horrible things. Things that damage you for life, that a lot of people don’t believe.. people have fallen back into this darkness that I have found myself in all my life. People talk about this low that they reach, that some people say isn’t real because how can someone be so unhappy that they reach that point. I’ve been there, basically all my life. You don’t understand the pain until you have been where I have been. The things I have been through I thought made me stronger but it didn’t. I’m weak, a push over. I haven’t really felt strong in awhile. I put on this fake smile, and try and make everything okay. When you feel alone every moment of the day, feel like people are thinking you are ugly all day of every day, and that you are worth less than nothing, you know this pain. But so many don’t understand the hurt that people can truly feel. The pain that others really cause. It’s unbelievable the sorrow that can be felt. Through all of it I’ve found joy in making my friends happy, probably just to be needed, which is horrible, but its what I’ve come down to.. Even the one I loved isn’t making things good for me.. I thought that everything was good with us. That we understood and loved each other, put a 16 year old girl can take only so much name calling, so much crying, so many fights, and so much lying. I feel like trust is something of the past, and with the holidays coming up I feel like things are just going to get worse. I love Christmas its beautiful but not this year in all honesty.. What is there to be happy about if everything that I love is hurting me. I’m starting to feel the feelings I felt three years ago.. I’m getting scared to leave my house, to be normal. I don’t know how this all is going to end.. but for some reason.. I don’t think it’s going to end well for me.. nothing really ever does.. whether it be because of someone else or because of myself.. I don’t know what I’m going to do.. I’m scared of being alone.. I don’t know what to do anymore..